How to Be a Dork

I really hope that someday someone animates this.

Nothing

One day I was walking down the street and noticed the sky was a most delightful shade of blue. I announced that I felt that blue was the loveliest color of them all. Someone passing by looked to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. Red is the loveliest color.”

I quickly excused myself and announced that perhaps I was mistaken, red was indeed a lovely color, perhaps the loveliest. However, someone else passing by looked to be and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. Blue is the loveliest color.”

Again I excused myself and announced that they were both fine colors. Perhaps that were both the loveliest. The two someone’s turned to me and said.

“Pardon, but I am offended by that.”

I was unsure of what to say.

So I apologized and left to seek out the wise person. The wise person was someone who lived all alone up on a very high hill in a very dark cave. The wise person lived so far away that they very rarely received visitors.

I hiked up the very high hill and walked through the very dark cave and I arrived at the wise person. And I said.

“Excuse me wise person, but I am confused. What should I say so that I do not offend?”

And the wise person said.

“Say nothing.”

So I left the very dark cave and hiked down the very high hill and went back home, where I said nothing.

One day I was walking down the street and I began to skip. Someone passing by looked to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. I dislike skipping, it is too cheery. Please walk.”

So I began to walk. However, someone else passing by looked to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. I dislike walking, it is too normal. Please skip.”

I attempted to perform something between a skip and a walk. The two someone’s turned to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that.”

I was unsure of what to do so I waved goodbye and went to seek out the wise person. I hiked up the very high hill and walked through the very dark cave and I arrived at the wise person. And I said.

“Excuse me wise person, but I am confused. What should I do so that I do not offend?”

And the wise person said.

“Do nothing.”

So I left the very dark cave and hiked down the very high hill and went back home, where I said and did nothing.

One day someone walked up to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. You are quite short, and I dislike short people.”

Confused, I attempted to sit up taller. However, someone else walked up to me and said.

“Pardon but I am offended by that. You are trying to be tall, and I dislike tall people.”

Further confused, and unsure of how to say goodbye, I quickly left to seek the wise person. I hiked up the very high hill and walked through the very dark cave and I arrived at the wise person. And I said.

“Excuse me wise person, but I am confused. What should I be so that I do not offend?”

And the wise person said.

“Be nothing.”

I was more confused than ever. So I reached out to the wise person only to find that my hand passed through thin air. Where the wise person should be, there was nothing. Before I could react I heard a voice reaching out to me through the darkness. And it said.

“Excuse me wise person, but I am confused. What should I say so that I do not offend?”

And I said.

“Say nothing.”